Nathan. There are so many wonderful things about him that I do not even know where to start. I prayed forRusty to get married and have kids for what seemed like FOREVER! Finally, when I was 12, he married Julia and they had Taylor. He was a brilliant child who talked non-stop and could tell you ANYTHING about Dinosaurs or whatever topic he was intrigued with at the moment and let me tell you – I was SO EXCITED. Not long after that, we were blessed with the birth of Rusty and Julia’s second child – another bouncing baby boy. He was a beautiful baby, quiet and always watching everyone. While Taylor was busily telling you all about the things he had learned. Nate often sat quietly with that sly smile on his face….as if he was just taking everything in and absorbing it like a sponge. Since Rusty worked for Schlumberger and was transferred all around the country and world, I didn’t get to grow up with my cousins but I cherished all the time I got with them on holidays and trips.

Thinking back over the past 15 years and the time that I spent with Nathan, I can’t think of a single time I ever saw him angry or with a frown on his face.  I remember when the boys went to Camp Longhorn. Upon their arrival back home, Nathan beamed as he talked about all the friends he made and the girls. Oh my, the girls. I think the girls started chasing him before he was even old enough to notice.  He was so handsome and that charm.  Nate’s smile could brighten even the darkest of days – family, friends, strangers….it didn’t matter. His smile and laugh radiated out of him and everyone anywhere near him soaked it in and brightened up.

Nathan was an adventurer. He was always up for anything you could throw at him and never complained when our grandparents put him to work.  I actually remember vividly him being here for Christmas or Thanksgiving break and going to work with my Dad and our Poppi and coming home and telling me all about the work they had done and everything he had learned.  There was no typical teenage complaints about not spending his break in front of a game console or on his iPhone.  Nate was always willing and ready to help, and you never ever had to ask him.

I have been racking my brain trying to remember the last time I saw him or the last words I said to him. It’s funny, isn’t it? You don’t think about those things until you lose someone…and then – then that is all you think about.  The last time Rusty’s family was in town, I remember my Nana and I taking Taylor and Nathan to eat at Abuelos with my little boy Landon.  I teach 9th grade so naturally I asked the boys about school. Nate was beaming as he told me about how his freshman year was going. He was talking about his friends and the girls – man, the girls loved him.  I know I keep saying that but it is true and has been for as long as I can remember.  It must have been the mystery of that handsome boy and his sly, shy smile that drew girls and people to him alike.

All of my cousins are special to me and each of them has qualities that I love so I don’t want anyone to get their feelings hurt when I say this: Nathan was always “special” to me.  I related to him and being around him and speaking with him was so easy.  He was so happy, and social and open.  I know you aren’t supposed to have “favorite” family members….but I have said more than once that Nate was my favorite. He was just so darn sweet and I’m telling you – he could have burnt the house down and looked at you and grinned and you would have totally forgotten why you were mad in the first place.

The loss of Nathan leaves a hole that cannot and will not be filled.  I want to leave you with a quote that I find to be true and to fit this tragic loss.

“You’ll get over it.”  It’s the cliches that cause the trouble.  To lose someone you love is to alter your life forever.  You don’t get over it because “it” is the person you love.  The pain stops, there are new people, but the gap never closes.  How could it? The particularness of someone who mattered enough to grieve over is not made anodyne by death. This hole in my heart is in the shape of you and no-one else can fit it. Why would I want them to?” – Jeanette Winterson